More Waiting...

I've been learning a different kind of waiting.

I learned to wait in the dark. To praise Him in the dark. Now I have to learn how to focus on Him in a light so bright I can barely stand it. My future, lit before me all shining and golden, with places that dip out of sight to be sure, shadows crossing it, but still a path more joyous than I'd ever dreamed. I'm ready to leap down it, but He puts His hand out and says "Wait".

Wait, Lord? Isn't that all I've been doing until now? Haven't I been faithful to do that? Haven't I been patient and trusted You? Haven't I shed enough tears waiting for You?

Why is learning to wait so terribly important anyway?

During a conversation I asked a friend that question burning in my brain today. Her answer was enough to shake me off my whining rant and feel humility again.

Because we're distracted and He wants us to look to Him and be satisfied. 

Goodness. Talk about conviction. If that's what He's after me for, if that's what He's trying to teach me...I'm afraid. I'm afraid I will never learn to be satisfied completely with Him. I'm afraid I'll be waiting forever.

Ahh, Jenna. . .

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:6

Lord, teach me to still look to You instead of my future. Teach me to be satisfied with You. Teach me to wait.

Always...

God is good.

I was thinking that last night as I stared up at a spotlight-rivaling full moon peeking through the trees. My heart was completely full of praise because right now, my life is absolutely perfect. A full moon was like a triple cherry on my sundae. But then a thought struck me.

Hasn't God always been good?

The obvious answer is, "Yes, of course! God is always good!!"

Then how come you've never felt this blessed before now?

Well...because life hasn't always been this wonderful. My teenage years were very full of tears and struggles, big questions and doubts and deep grief. That probably sounds dramatic considering nothing particularly tragic happened to me but my feelings were real nonetheless. The point is, I didn't feel blessed back then. Instead I often felt forgotten. Forsaken. Unloved.

But I wasn't.

Last night that realization came home to me. God has always, always been just as good as (and even more than!) I know Him to be right now! He has always loved me more than my craziest dreams can envision. He has always crafted every particle of my life to draw me closer to Him. Even my most painful, dark, lonely moments have been expressions of His tenderest love guiding, growing and teaching me.

My life won't always be as full of joy as it is right now. Something I have learned is that, no matter who or where you are, life will be full of pain and joy. That's why I want to hold on to what I am learning right now, let it sink in deep, so that when the darkness overtakes the day again I can look up and remember that I am just as blessed, just as loved as I know I am tonight.

The same is true for you.

Welcome 2012!!!

It's 2012!!! Isn't it funny how things feel different and yet still the same after New Year's Day?

Today someone asked me if I was excited about the new year. At first I didn't think I was, New Year's Eve is probably at the bottom of my list of holidays in order of preference. I cringe at the idea of changing something I am comfortable in, even if it is as simple as one number at the end of a date.

But now, as I reflect a little bit, I find that I am excited about 2012.

Even though it has already come, for the first few days of the new year I always feel like I'm standing in a blank space between the old year and the new one, sifting through memories like old photographs and forming ideas of what I should expect from the year ahead.

As I look back I see how wonderfully blessed I have been in everything, and I don't say that lightly. There has been pain this year: in a friend suddenly turning their back on me, in my brother moving to Madagascar, in a family I know and love falling apart, in a prolonged struggle with depression. But now I can see how God has carried me through every single one of these situations and I shake my head in awe.

How can I fear what lies ahead when Jesus has so faithfully and patiently showed me again and again:

 "Jenna, I love you. 

Jenna I will always take care of you

Jenna, I will never leave you.

Jenna, I delight in you.

Jenna, I grieve with you.

Jenna, I am changing you.

Jenna, I will come for you.

Jenna, I will never change.

Jenna, I can handle the world Myself!"

(Grin Yeah, sometimes I get overzealous and try to take over God's job, but He is really good about letting me know that He is capable and He is taking care of not only me, but the people I love as well!)

"But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob, 

And He who formed you, O Israel, 

'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; 

I have called you by name; you are Mine! 

'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; 

And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. 

When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, 

Nor will the flame burn you.'" 

Isaiah 43:1-2

If the LORD had not been my help, 

My soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. 
 If I should say, “My foot has slipped,” 
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, will hold me up. 
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, 
Your consolations delight my soul. 

Psalm 94:17-19

So, in view of all of that: Welcome 2012!!! I am excited to see what God will do in me this year! I am excited about the people I will meet, the things I will learn, how I will grow, the opportunities Jesus is preparing for me, even the things that will change! 

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you [and me!] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

Campaign

Christmas is nearly upon us! These past few weeks have been a flurry of activity..though not necessarily with Christmas preparations.

For the last week or two I've been involved in a local campaign. I had an amazing time hanging out with my hometown friends and making new friends from as far away as South Dakota!

 I am very happy to announce our victory! Mike Crane was elected to the Georgia state senate on December 6th.

 I was very impressed with the integrity and passion for Jesus I found in the young adults I worked with during this campaign. They inspired me and challenged me to be more intentional in how I live out my faith in Jesus. And even though most of the out-of-town people were long-time friends, they accepted us newcomers and made us part of their group.

All the memories I have made, in just a few days! Hanging around a campfire swapping stories and singing. Walking in the parade. Laughter. Hugs. Singing praise after the victory announcement! Sad goodbyes...Promises to stay in touch. Memories I will treasure forever.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

(Pssst, if you poke around Mike Crane's website you'll find some pictures and videos of us.)

Our game of Ultimate Frisbee...in the rain.

After a while, not being dressed to play in the rain, I appointed myself official photographer...from the car. :)

Praise the LORD! Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.
Psalm 106:1

Instead...

There is a struggle of emotions that goes on in me when I look ahead to Thanksgiving. I am naturally pessimistic, not that I necessarily look for bad things to happen - though I certainly try to be prepared for them - but more often than not I see the bad rather than the good in my life. It is a terrible habit but, there it is.

Right now I am tempted to look at my dad's unemployment struggle instead of seeing how God has faithfully taken care of us through it all.

 I want to feel sorry for myself when I see how my family is spread out across the whole world, instead of thanking God for how close our hearts still are.

I want to mourn the loss of my grandparents instead of shouting for joy at the knowledge that they are in heaven!

But God has been cultivating a spirit of thankfulness instead of fear in me this year. He has opened my eyes to see His overwhelming goodness and faithful love. I am forever grateful. Or at least I should be!

This year -
~ I have been surrounded by people who love me.
~ I have regained my health.
~ I have spent time with my entire family, together.
~ My grandfather has come through two dangerous operations.
~ I made two amazing trips to Russia.
~ I have learned that money and health insurance do not take care of us. God does.
~ I have discovered what a great blessing it is to be so intimately connected with my siblings' ministries.
~ I have cried and struggled through many difficult things and been carried through it all by the Everlasting Arms.
~ God has allowed me to have a positive impact in childrens' lives.
~ God has taught me what true humility looks like.
~ I have been overwhelmed by Jesus' vast love for me!

Humility

I've been reading a lot about humility these past few weeks. God has been impressing on me my very great lack of it! But it hasn't been at all unpleasant...You know, only a gracious, loving God like mine could make something like learning humility something that fills my soul with joy and gives me a more confident assurance of His love!

I think the passage that most encouraged me during this study was Deuteronomy 8.

"And you shall remember all the way which the LORD your GOD has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.
And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD ...
...For the LORD  your GOD is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth into valleys and hills.
...In the wilderness He fed you manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do good for you in the end."
Deuteronomy 8:2-3,7,16

I've been through a lot of wilderness, barren places. I don't mean that I've had a hard life, but many times my spiritual life has been extremely dry. I used to think those times meant God was unhappy with or disappointed in me, waiting for me to get my act together...but I don't think so any more.

Recently we had a ladies conference at my church and one of the speakers said something very poignant for me; she was speaking about Sarah, Abraham's wife and how her barrenness was viewed as a disgrace, God's disapproval even! And then she pointed out how we, today, often view our times of "barrenness" as God's disapproval when it's not!

God says He leads us through the wilderness to humble us and teach us that we need Him so that He can lead us to good places. So, the times I have been thinking were proof of God's disappointment were instead proof of God's most tender, unending love in offering me His own strength. How marvelous!

Things that Make Me Smile

Surprises (good ones!)

Real mail

Laimon Fresh (Long story...)

Baptisms

Megamind

Listening to Nickel Creek (although sometimes it makes me cry too.)

A phone call from my big brother.

A comment on my blog. (hint, hint)

Spending time with my oldest sister (a rare treat)

Memories of my grandmother. (sometimes that makes me cry too..)

My brother's saaad jokes. *smile* (<-- see? I told you so.)

My nieces' antics and funny sayings.

Hugging my 93-year-old grandfather.

Wearing my favorite dress.

Cozy days.

Sunshine (It makes everything beautiful!)

Southern courtesy (a.k.a. chatting with a complete stranger just because you're in the same line.)

Weddings

Happy Endings

And much more! I expect you’re yawning right about now though so I’ll cut it short. 

Many Things

This week I am thankful for - a lot of things!

To still have my 93-year-old grandfather with me.

 (He had a serious operation this week but came through wonderfully!)

For joy! 

(I have been so full of peace and joy these past few weeks and I don't take a minute of it for granted.)

For the beautiful weather we've been enjoying lately.

(The blue sky overhead, the sweet-smelling grass underfoot, a quiet breeze, and a wonderful swing to take it all in on.)

For the most amazing friends ever!

(I've been able to see a lot of my friends lately and I am so thankful to have such good ones!)

For a purpose and a hope.

(I believe I am finally completely content where I am. It also helps that some new ministry opportunities are opening up for me. I am so excited to start working in a children's club soon, as well as the start-up of AWANA this year.)