Blessings

A dear friend from church sang this song yesterday in church. Tears were streaming down my face as she sang.

   

Last week was very rough. My grandfather has been in and out of doctor's offices since his pacemaker was put in. 

Another close friend found out her grandfather's cancer has returned.

And then we received some devastating news about a family friend.

So, I've spent much of this week in tears, particularly this weekend.

When Ms. Melissa got up to sing and explained how this song had touched her, I knew I was about to become a basket-case. But I still wasn't prepared for how deeply the song would touch me. But it was okay, they were good tears, tears of His own healing. 

I pray this song brings healing to you as well.

Graters and Gratefulness

Have you ever swallowed a cheese grater? No? Well, if you had you'd know exactly how my throat felt on  Friday.

Friday morning I crawled out of bed with a throat sore enough to rival the the my tonsillitis throat's record. I tried everything I'd ever heard of to find relief that day, warm tea with honey, plain honey, gargling vinegar-water, throat drops...the whole shebang. The only thing that helped  to any degree was two Tylenol, but still, tears came to my eyes and I tensed all over with the pain of swallowing anything.

I was mildly upset with God for throwing such a wrench in my plans. I felt even worse when I heard of the plans the others had made to pass out fliers at a mosque and eat out for dinner - plans I would have to miss out on to nurse my throat. I even wondered (somewhat bitterly) if these germs had slipped past when God wasn't looking (can we say drama queen?). But in the back of my head, or deep in my heart, or wherever, I knew God that must have some reason for letting this happen to me. So, not having much else to do or being too miserable to do it, I started trying to sort out what it might be.

I suddenly realized that it had never occurred to me to thank God for a healthy throat before. Then I began thinking about all the blessings I take for granted (sometimes even while complaining to God for not blessing me in other ways!). And not just the "common" things like life, clothes, food shelter but extra-special things like: 
~a homey house with a large yard,
~amazing friends,
~a beautiful town,
~spending money,
~a quiet neighborhood,
~music,
~parents who understand me,
~brothers and sisters who like me,
~a church that cares about me individually
.
...I began to see my life in a different light and I saw all the things I could and should be overwhelmed by gratefulness for....I was disgusted with myself but I still wasn't all that grateful...

I still haven't gotten to the point of being overwhelmed but, while I think gratefulness is actually a gift from God, I do think it also comes partly from discipline. So, as an exercise I have decided to pledge to post once a week with at least one thing I am truly grateful for. This post will take place on Fridays so check back on me!

Another way you can help me is to be praying for me, that this lesson will not slide off with time but will become etched on my heart and transform me and that God would take this weakness of mine to show off His own strength.

"Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wonderfully reigneth
Shelters the under His wings
Yea, so gently sustaineth.
Hast thou not seen, how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?"

Thou who hast given so much to me, give me one more thing... a grateful heart!         

~George Herbert 

Judges 6:13

Last night I watched a documentary on the recent group of tornadoes that hit Alabama. Since I live in its neighbor state of Georgia I'm probably more aware of the impact the tornadoes have had down here, but still, I wasn't prepared for the extent of damage I witnessed on TV.

Tornadoes rip through my state almost every year but usually they pass above or below my home and usually they're small...but not this time. This time, instead of maybe just one house damaged on a given road there are whole rows of houses obliterated, demolished, gone. There are hundreds of people with no homes, but even worse, there are some families who lost more than just their home...hundreds of people were killed by the tornadoes.

What do we do in the face of such devastation? What can we say? We can go and help rebuild, we can hug and offer words of comfort, we can donate. And yet, somehow it's not enough. Those families can never be whole again. We can wipe tears away but we can't erase fear or pain. At the end of the day, when there is nothing left to silence our questions, our hearts scream, 'Why!? Why do such terrible things happen?'

We are not the first to ask this question. Probably every generation since Adam has pelted the skies with it. If God is good and He cares about us and He is able to do good, why does He send or even allow terrible things? We are told is our own fault; it is because of sin in the world. We believe it...but still our hearts are not satisfied. There is something missing...

In my Bible reading recently I came across a verse that made my jaw drop, literally. I've been taught all my life that the Bible is relevant to every part of our lives, but until now I didn't realize just how in touch the Bible is with people, what they think and what they feel. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, after all it was written for people, but it still awes me that God...well, you'll see.

Then Gideon said to him, “O my lord, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all His miracles which our fathers told us about, saying, ‘Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the LORD has abandoned us and given us into the hand of Midian.”

Judges 6:13 (emphasis mine)

Did your jaw drop? There it is, plain as day, the question that has plagued hearts for generations. But where is the answer? I'm getting to that, but first I want to give you some background information.

In this verse Gideon is speaking to the angel of the LORD. The angel came to him while he was threshing wheat in a wine press. Why was he in the wine press? He was hiding the wheat from the marauding Midianites who would regularly raid Israel and steal all their food, including their crops and their animals. So the angel of the LORD comes to Gideon in the wine press and greets him by saying “The LORD is with you, O valiant warrior.” 


Then we get to the verse I posted above where Gideon says something like "Ha! Good joke. If God were with us this wouldn't be happening, would it?" Now...for the good part. :)

The LORD looked at him and said, “Go in this your strength and deliver Israel from the hand of Midian. Have I not sent you?”

Judges 6:14 (emphasis mine)

It might take a little bit of explaining here from me...you see, lately there seems to be a lot of tough stuff going on in my life; my emotions are all over the place. I've been crying out to God asking basically the same question, 'Why? Why can't my life be smooth? Why do I have to go through this stuff? If You're really here then this shouldn't be happening!' After a lot of tears and struggle I finally learned one of my most valued lessons. Pain is not always discipline for sin; it doesn't always mean something is wrong with us. Sometimes we go through things that seem wrong, that seem like they shouldn't be happening to us, to make us stronger. And not just stronger for the sake of being stronger, stronger so that we can "Go...and deliver..."

For example, my calling and dream is to minister to young girls, encourage and disciple them through the difficult teenage years. But there is no way I can do that unless I have walked where they walk, felt what they feel, and asked the questions they ask.

I'm not completely sure why the 2011 tornadoes came, but I do believe that somehow, something good will come out of it, someone will come out stronger for it and will be able to "Go...and deliver..."

What's Next???

Those question marks seem to bounce off the walls of my brain sometimes. They pound and taunt until I can't take it any more and I turn to God crying, "What's next? What comes after this?"

I'm not the only one asking. People often ask me "What's next?" I greatly appreciate the love, interest and concern that prompts the question, but still I cringe a little bit inside as I grope for an answer.

The answer shouldn't be that hard to find. I know the direction God wants me to take; I know what my calling is. My passion is encouraging other young women to pursue a deeper relationship with God and unfold their hearts before Him. You've probably heard the quote from Eric Liddell before, "God made me fast. And when I run, I feel His pleasure." It's the same for me. When I'm deep in a discussion about God and life with another girl, I get excited. I feel God closer than ever when I am "Comfort[ing] those in any trouble with the comfort [I] receive from God." 2 Corinthians 1:4

So why is it so hard for me to come up with an answer to the "What's next?" question? Well, I have a dream but I'm not actively pursuing it. I have a vision but no steps to achieve it. I know that God has a reason to keep me on hold and it's most likely to prepare me, but sometimes it feels like I'm at a dead end.


That's when I turn to God and cry, "What's next? You've given me a vision but no directions. What comes after this?" It's funny that I've asked that question so many times now because I always get the exact same answer and it's not a difficult one to remember. It's one word, "Me". That's always been enough to silence the question marks.