Hope

Hope. That's what I've been learning about. That's also what this picture represents to me.

A few weeks ago an arctic cold front swept through the country and temperatures dropped below freezing in Georgia. A few of my friends were doing happy dances because it finally felt like winter down here, but I was in mourning for all the cheerful daffodils that had succumbed to the weather. (Daffodils are my favorite flower.) On the way to church the next morning I sadly noted the wilted stems. It wasn't the first time I'd seen this happen and I could already picture the drooping patches of yellow becoming soggy, brown messes. I know how this ends, I thought to myself.

But I didn't.

The other day I decided to enjoy the delightful weather outside and clean out some flower beds. As I was working I noticed the daffodil from the picture above. A few days ago it had been lying in the dirt and I had mentally assigned it to its doom. But it wasn't rotting or even lying on the ground now, instead it was bravely lifting its dirt-stained face to the sun again.

Jenna, don't give up on "hopeless" situations. You don't know how the story ends. Hope in Me.

I almost burst into tears right there, kneeling in the dirt by the neighbor's fence. You see, there are some situations in my life that are looking like that daffodil looked a week ago - unsalvageable. Until yesterday, my attitude about these situations was the same as it was for the flowers - I've seen this all before. I know how the story ends. Why even bother hoping?

How could I have forgotten that "We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" (Romans 8:37), that I serve "The God who works wonders" (Psalm 77:14)?

 In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge; 
Let me never be ashamed. 
 In Your righteousness deliver me and rescue me; 
Incline Your ear to me and save me. 
 Be to me a rock of habitation to which I may continually come; 
You have given commandment to save me, 
For You are my rock and my fortress. 
 Rescue me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, 
Out of the grasp of the wrongdoer and ruthless man, 
 For You are my hope; 
O Lord GOD, You are my confidence from my youth. 
By You I have been sustained from my birth; 
You are He who took me from my mother’s womb; 
My praise is continually of You.

Psalm 71:1-6

Ready or Not

When I got on blogger this morning I wasn't planning to write a post. I got on, simply to catch up on the blogs I follow and log off. But after reading THIS post I knew I had to share it with you.

It spoke straight to my heart. Because, I am not ready. This year is bringing big changes (among them my 20th birthday!) and though I have finally learned not to cringe at change, I don't always welcome it with open arms either. Sometimes I just want to pause life so I can bustle around cleaning up the mess. And sometimes God graciously allows me that time to process change and take a deep breath before the next one comes. But then there are also times when they come down like ocean waves on me and I sputter and thrash, fighting every one.

God I'm not ready. Just wait please, let me get ready.

But God doesn't need me to be ready in my own eyes. He knows best when I am ready and I am learning to trust His timing.

And so, today my heart is echoing what Katie said:

"This new season looms and I don't know what is next. But He doesn't need me to be ready for this season because He is ready. He just needs me to be clinging to His feet."

Humility

I've been reading a lot about humility these past few weeks. God has been impressing on me my very great lack of it! But it hasn't been at all unpleasant...You know, only a gracious, loving God like mine could make something like learning humility something that fills my soul with joy and gives me a more confident assurance of His love!

I think the passage that most encouraged me during this study was Deuteronomy 8.

"And you shall remember all the way which the LORD your GOD has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.
And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD ...
...For the LORD  your GOD is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth into valleys and hills.
...In the wilderness He fed you manna, which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do good for you in the end."
Deuteronomy 8:2-3,7,16

I've been through a lot of wilderness, barren places. I don't mean that I've had a hard life, but many times my spiritual life has been extremely dry. I used to think those times meant God was unhappy with or disappointed in me, waiting for me to get my act together...but I don't think so any more.

Recently we had a ladies conference at my church and one of the speakers said something very poignant for me; she was speaking about Sarah, Abraham's wife and how her barrenness was viewed as a disgrace, God's disapproval even! And then she pointed out how we, today, often view our times of "barrenness" as God's disapproval when it's not!

God says He leads us through the wilderness to humble us and teach us that we need Him so that He can lead us to good places. So, the times I have been thinking were proof of God's disappointment were instead proof of God's most tender, unending love in offering me His own strength. How marvelous!

What I've Been Up To

So, my brother and sister-in-law left a week ago today. I've been trying and trying to get this post out....it's been more difficult than it should be. I guess it stirs up a lot of emotions that I usually try to avoid and when I'm emotional I don't trust my writing. So let's just say it's been very hard, I miss them a whole lot but God is taking care of me...and them!

I have been keeping very busy since they left. While they were here I tried not to be too busy so I would be free to spend time with them. But in the week since they left (it seems like MUCH longer) I've taken apart our sewing room, watched Bleak House, had a visit from a friend, made pickles, run various errands, read a few books, cleaned and rearranged my room and written a lot.

Speaking of writing, the other day (when I was cleaning my room) I decided to go through my mounds of papers and organize them into a binder. I'm always writing and I prefer loose-leaf to notebooks so it can get pretty messy sometimes. Besides, I didn't want any papers to get lost. Someday I want to write a book and what I write now will be the foundation for it.

So, I started gathering my piles and sorting through them, adding them to the binder as I went along. I was getting excited as I worked. My papers were adding up. Some of them didn't have much written on them, just a thought or an idea. But some of them were solid writings and all of them were important. By the time I was done I could hardly close the binder. I was so excited. 

You see, ever since I graduated and even before I've struggled with feelings of pointlessness. I thought that my life would "begin" after high-school. I envisioned running hither and thither doing ministry work, meeting new people and working with girls. And yet none of that has happened. For the most part nothing has changed since high-school.

So, I was really excited to have tangible proof that this past year has not been pointless. I have been productive! God has been working in me!I have worked and sweated and cried and trusted and cried and waited and cried and...you get the picture. I have learned so very much. As my mom likes to tell me I've been in "God's College". Learning straight from The Teacher Himself.

Maybe this seems like bragging to you, but I only tell you this to encourage you if you are now or are ever in a situation like me. Don't fear. God has a specific purpose for you. Remember, He chose you! (John 15:16) Just trust Him to do the work in you.

Any comments and/or criticisms?