Instead...

There is a struggle of emotions that goes on in me when I look ahead to Thanksgiving. I am naturally pessimistic, not that I necessarily look for bad things to happen - though I certainly try to be prepared for them - but more often than not I see the bad rather than the good in my life. It is a terrible habit but, there it is.

Right now I am tempted to look at my dad's unemployment struggle instead of seeing how God has faithfully taken care of us through it all.

 I want to feel sorry for myself when I see how my family is spread out across the whole world, instead of thanking God for how close our hearts still are.

I want to mourn the loss of my grandparents instead of shouting for joy at the knowledge that they are in heaven!

But God has been cultivating a spirit of thankfulness instead of fear in me this year. He has opened my eyes to see His overwhelming goodness and faithful love. I am forever grateful. Or at least I should be!

This year -
~ I have been surrounded by people who love me.
~ I have regained my health.
~ I have spent time with my entire family, together.
~ My grandfather has come through two dangerous operations.
~ I made two amazing trips to Russia.
~ I have learned that money and health insurance do not take care of us. God does.
~ I have discovered what a great blessing it is to be so intimately connected with my siblings' ministries.
~ I have cried and struggled through many difficult things and been carried through it all by the Everlasting Arms.
~ God has allowed me to have a positive impact in childrens' lives.
~ God has taught me what true humility looks like.
~ I have been overwhelmed by Jesus' vast love for me!

Weather

This week I am grateful for: Wonderful weather!!!

I know all there are terrible storms ravaging the upper and lower east coast, but here in GA we are enjoying the loveliest weather we've had in a long time. We've received the rain we prayed for, earlier in the week, while yesterday and today we've been soaking up the sun during a much-needed break from the humidity and heat.

And it looks as if it will continue! According to weather.com our temps will be in the 80s for at least another week! (Perhaps we will ease right into fall this year instead of swinging back and forth between indian summer and autumn.)

Thank you Jesus!

Graters and Gratefulness

Have you ever swallowed a cheese grater? No? Well, if you had you'd know exactly how my throat felt on  Friday.

Friday morning I crawled out of bed with a throat sore enough to rival the the my tonsillitis throat's record. I tried everything I'd ever heard of to find relief that day, warm tea with honey, plain honey, gargling vinegar-water, throat drops...the whole shebang. The only thing that helped  to any degree was two Tylenol, but still, tears came to my eyes and I tensed all over with the pain of swallowing anything.

I was mildly upset with God for throwing such a wrench in my plans. I felt even worse when I heard of the plans the others had made to pass out fliers at a mosque and eat out for dinner - plans I would have to miss out on to nurse my throat. I even wondered (somewhat bitterly) if these germs had slipped past when God wasn't looking (can we say drama queen?). But in the back of my head, or deep in my heart, or wherever, I knew God that must have some reason for letting this happen to me. So, not having much else to do or being too miserable to do it, I started trying to sort out what it might be.

I suddenly realized that it had never occurred to me to thank God for a healthy throat before. Then I began thinking about all the blessings I take for granted (sometimes even while complaining to God for not blessing me in other ways!). And not just the "common" things like life, clothes, food shelter but extra-special things like: 
~a homey house with a large yard,
~amazing friends,
~a beautiful town,
~spending money,
~a quiet neighborhood,
~music,
~parents who understand me,
~brothers and sisters who like me,
~a church that cares about me individually
.
...I began to see my life in a different light and I saw all the things I could and should be overwhelmed by gratefulness for....I was disgusted with myself but I still wasn't all that grateful...

I still haven't gotten to the point of being overwhelmed but, while I think gratefulness is actually a gift from God, I do think it also comes partly from discipline. So, as an exercise I have decided to pledge to post once a week with at least one thing I am truly grateful for. This post will take place on Fridays so check back on me!

Another way you can help me is to be praying for me, that this lesson will not slide off with time but will become etched on my heart and transform me and that God would take this weakness of mine to show off His own strength.

"Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wonderfully reigneth
Shelters the under His wings
Yea, so gently sustaineth.
Hast thou not seen, how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?"

Thou who hast given so much to me, give me one more thing... a grateful heart!         

~George Herbert 

What I've Been Up To

So, my brother and sister-in-law left a week ago today. I've been trying and trying to get this post out....it's been more difficult than it should be. I guess it stirs up a lot of emotions that I usually try to avoid and when I'm emotional I don't trust my writing. So let's just say it's been very hard, I miss them a whole lot but God is taking care of me...and them!

I have been keeping very busy since they left. While they were here I tried not to be too busy so I would be free to spend time with them. But in the week since they left (it seems like MUCH longer) I've taken apart our sewing room, watched Bleak House, had a visit from a friend, made pickles, run various errands, read a few books, cleaned and rearranged my room and written a lot.

Speaking of writing, the other day (when I was cleaning my room) I decided to go through my mounds of papers and organize them into a binder. I'm always writing and I prefer loose-leaf to notebooks so it can get pretty messy sometimes. Besides, I didn't want any papers to get lost. Someday I want to write a book and what I write now will be the foundation for it.

So, I started gathering my piles and sorting through them, adding them to the binder as I went along. I was getting excited as I worked. My papers were adding up. Some of them didn't have much written on them, just a thought or an idea. But some of them were solid writings and all of them were important. By the time I was done I could hardly close the binder. I was so excited. 

You see, ever since I graduated and even before I've struggled with feelings of pointlessness. I thought that my life would "begin" after high-school. I envisioned running hither and thither doing ministry work, meeting new people and working with girls. And yet none of that has happened. For the most part nothing has changed since high-school.

So, I was really excited to have tangible proof that this past year has not been pointless. I have been productive! God has been working in me!I have worked and sweated and cried and trusted and cried and waited and cried and...you get the picture. I have learned so very much. As my mom likes to tell me I've been in "God's College". Learning straight from The Teacher Himself.

Maybe this seems like bragging to you, but I only tell you this to encourage you if you are now or are ever in a situation like me. Don't fear. God has a specific purpose for you. Remember, He chose you! (John 15:16) Just trust Him to do the work in you.

Any comments and/or criticisms?

What I've Been Learning About...

Waiting on God.

Waiting is not about inaction.

 Waiting is about preparation.

It’s about learning about God.

           Seeking God.  
           Strengthening my relationship with Him.
           Building the foundation for living the rest of my life.

           Studying the Bible.

           I am learning to ask God what He wants to teach me instead of struggling against His restraints.

 It’s about worshiping God.

            Humbling myself and focusing on Him alone.

            Learning to make anytime worship-time.

            Trusting Him fully while I wait.

            Praising Him and enjoying His presence.

            God has been reminding me not to forget to worship. Waiting isn't all about sitting quietly with my hands folded...

 Waiting does not require silence.

            ...Waiting is all about my relationship with God. Communication is vital.

            I have learned not to be afraid to talk to God about anything. It's okay to tell God when I'm afraid, angry, or confused; God knows about it already and He delights in me pouring out my heart to Him. (Psalm 62:8)

I am just beginning to realize how vastly important this period of waiting is for my life. It has been hard to sit and wait while watching my friends move on and actively pursue their dreams. 
Still, I am learning so, so much! Even the desert-times have been rich with blessing. God is being faithful to love me, teach me and grow me. 


I am so grateful right now; even though I know more times of fear and trouble are ahead, I am certain in this moment that God will carry me through them and continue perfecting the image of Christ in me.


For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you [and me!] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:6

Update

Sorry about the smattering of posts lately...May has been the absolute busiest month of the year so far. In the last month or so we

1) painted our kitchen cabinets (I told you about that)

2) my oldest sister and her family came for a good, long visit 

3) we had the last AWANA night at our church for the year

4) we went camping with my whole family down near Savannah (that's      15 people in case you were wondering)

5) I took the SAT (finally)

6) we had three guests in the house (along with the 8 other people living in the house)

7) we packed my brother and SIL's container for their move to Africa, 

8) three of my friends graduated, 

9) one friend got married (Hurray!)

10) oh, and I had a birthday. :D 

(That's only the big stuff by the way!)

So, now maybe you understand why I haven't been around much lately! Life still is busy, (when is it not?), but it has slowed a bit, enough for us to catch our breath, take a small break and fold the laundry! (Just kidding.) Here are some picture-memories from this last month:

Feels like The Waltons!

My niece by the lake

Camping!

The salt marsh by our campground. The vastness of it awed me, especially when I remembered that God's love for me is even bigger!!

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.

 As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

 Just as a father has compassion on his children,

So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.

 For He Himself knows our frame;

He is mindful that we are but dust.

 As for man, his days are like grass;

As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,

And its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,

And His righteousness to children’s children,

To those who keep His covenant

And remember His precepts to do them.

Psalm 103:11-18

A Day to Remember

I have to admit it...I've been denying it long enough. I'm so excited about the royal wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William! My excitement is a little bit late seeing how the wedding took place this morning while I was snoozing away, but I did wake up in time to watch the highlights. It was so beautiful, such a joyous day! A day to be remembered.

I guess nearly every girl is a teensy bit jealous of Kate Middleton. Not that I envy her all the protocol and duty her life will be full of from now on, nor even Prince William himself, but just the idea of marrying a real prince and becoming royalty is enough to make any girl's heart skip a beat.

The thought came to me this morning as I was sitting outside on the swing, drinking my V-8 fruit juice; I have my own prince. It flooded me with joy! The thought, of course, was not new to me; I've read tons of books that tell me I am a princess in the truest sense of the word because of my faith in Jesus Christ (One of which, of course, is the Bible). In fact, I'm a double princess; I am a daughter of the King of kings and I am engaged to the Prince of Peace, Jesus. (If that sounds a little weird to you check out Ephesians 5:22-33)

Usually it's pretty hard to convince myself of the truth of that, especially when I'm living out a normal, nothing-royal-about-it life. Today it's different; I've been reminded that sometimes fairy-tales are real, sometimes things that seem too good to be true are truer than anything else.

So today I am basking in the joy of the knowledge that I, me, Jenna, the girl who is afraid of people jumping at her in the dark, loves extra, extra sharp cheddar cheese and quoting movies, I am tenderly loved by the Prince, by God Himself, by the greatest Man who ever lived and He is waiting eagerly for the day He can bring me home.

Now that will be a day to remember!