Saying Goodbye

Today, my last day in Moscow, is drawing to a close. Tomorrow I will drag my tubs and bags to the airport, answer lots of questions, check my bags, grab my ticket, say my goodbyes and walk through the barrier.

Tonight I'm babysitting for a few hours. I've made American mac-and-cheese, spread peanut butter on bananas and fed my three nieces. We played the quiet game while we ate and talked about the movies we watched today, namely, "Tangled" and "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs".

After dinner I sit down on the couch to work on a blog post about my recent visit to a mosque, but it's not right. I can't find the right words to express the subtle, gentle, but deep way it affected me.

The older two girls bug me to "do something fun", a tradition I created for when I babysit them. It usually consists of a special game or craft or movie. I reluctantly leave my "work" to search for a new craft online.

The baby needs more food.

I check my email.

The girls are loving on me, climbing and tugging. It's sweet but not practical with a computer in my lap. I grumpily brush them aside, find a craft and give them the materials and instructions, relieved to finally have some peace.

After a brief interlude my middle niece climbs up beside me to ask questions again...I only half-listen to her, giving her brisk answers.

Finally I catch myself....this is my last night with them! Is this the parting memory I want to leave, a distracted, grumpy aunt? I look down at the small face cuddled up against my arm.

"Am I grumpy?"
"Yes," she answers decidedly.
"What does grumpy mean?" the oldest one asks.

What is making me so grumpy tonight?

I put the computer aside determinedly and grab Kaela, then Abbie for a spin. Their delighted laughter lifts my spirit. I plop back down and just watch. I watch the girls leap around the room playing with the space ship I made them out of a toilet paper roll, construction paper and a few Werther's wrappers. They speak in their high-pitched play voices, happy as queens...or maybe happier.

I watch the baby maneuver around her sisters' antics, babbling to herself, experimenting with new sounds. She is learning so much, so fast, changing every day. I retrieve a stray marker top from her possession. I chuckle a little at her angry cry and pick her up to cuddle. Her indignation is short-lived; she gleefully pulls away from my embrace to climb on the couch, practicing sitting down and standing up, chattering happily all the time to me. I wonder what she is telling me all about.

All of this sends shards of pain through my heart. I will miss them so much!

And not only them...I realize I've gradually come to love it here.

I love:
~Studying the people on the metro and praying for them
~Practicing my (extremely) limited Russian.
~Understanding the culture/Knowing how things work here.
~ Eating hatshepurri!! (A Central Asian bread with cheese and egg topping. Very oily and cheesy and soft and soooo yummy! btw, I have no idea if I'm spelling it right.)
~All the fresh, soft, yummy bread!!!
~Hanging out with my awesome big sister!
~Watching my nieces grow up.
~Being with the people I've met and grown to love here.
~The different perspective on life I get here from seeing people begging, people working so hard to please a God they barely know and living in fear of Him all their lives, people who haven't bathed in so long you can't stand within ten feet of them, people trapped in a religion they were born into.
~The new level of dependency on God.
~The way I can take a step back from myself and my own problems here.
~Knowing that I am serving God in a practical way in everything I do here. How useful and productive I feel.
~The way I can enjoy the simplest things here like: a yummy meal, Coca-Cola, any and all outings, laughing with my nieces, chatting with people from home, making my little sister laugh at my craziness, reading a book.


I've learned that your home is not confined to a place, even a country.This place has become part of my home.

So tomorrow, as I walk through the gate that will separate me from this new piece of my home I will more than likely be fighting tears for all I am worth, but in the end I can be nothing but grateful. I have made such rich and precious memories. I have met such wonderful people. I have experienced things others only dream of. But most of all, I have been changed.

I only hope and pray that these fresh and still-delicate impressions will not be forgotten or erased with the pressures in America. I pray that I will keep the things I have learned here, treasuring them and pondering them in my heart. That God will keep my heart tender towards Him and towards the people here..and everywhere!

(Note: You made it all the way to the end! Hoorah! Thanks for putting up with the long, rambling post...I wrote it late at night in a very sentimental mood...something I try never to do but it happened and I've decided to keep this one no matter how choppy and unpleasant it may be to read. It expresses some true feelings that I don't want to forget. So...three cheers for you faithful reader!! Thank you for your perseverance!)

Graters and Gratefulness

Have you ever swallowed a cheese grater? No? Well, if you had you'd know exactly how my throat felt on  Friday.

Friday morning I crawled out of bed with a throat sore enough to rival the the my tonsillitis throat's record. I tried everything I'd ever heard of to find relief that day, warm tea with honey, plain honey, gargling vinegar-water, throat drops...the whole shebang. The only thing that helped  to any degree was two Tylenol, but still, tears came to my eyes and I tensed all over with the pain of swallowing anything.

I was mildly upset with God for throwing such a wrench in my plans. I felt even worse when I heard of the plans the others had made to pass out fliers at a mosque and eat out for dinner - plans I would have to miss out on to nurse my throat. I even wondered (somewhat bitterly) if these germs had slipped past when God wasn't looking (can we say drama queen?). But in the back of my head, or deep in my heart, or wherever, I knew God that must have some reason for letting this happen to me. So, not having much else to do or being too miserable to do it, I started trying to sort out what it might be.

I suddenly realized that it had never occurred to me to thank God for a healthy throat before. Then I began thinking about all the blessings I take for granted (sometimes even while complaining to God for not blessing me in other ways!). And not just the "common" things like life, clothes, food shelter but extra-special things like: 
~a homey house with a large yard,
~amazing friends,
~a beautiful town,
~spending money,
~a quiet neighborhood,
~music,
~parents who understand me,
~brothers and sisters who like me,
~a church that cares about me individually
.
...I began to see my life in a different light and I saw all the things I could and should be overwhelmed by gratefulness for....I was disgusted with myself but I still wasn't all that grateful...

I still haven't gotten to the point of being overwhelmed but, while I think gratefulness is actually a gift from God, I do think it also comes partly from discipline. So, as an exercise I have decided to pledge to post once a week with at least one thing I am truly grateful for. This post will take place on Fridays so check back on me!

Another way you can help me is to be praying for me, that this lesson will not slide off with time but will become etched on my heart and transform me and that God would take this weakness of mine to show off His own strength.

"Praise to the Lord
Who o'er all things so wonderfully reigneth
Shelters the under His wings
Yea, so gently sustaineth.
Hast thou not seen, how thy desires e'er have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?"

Thou who hast given so much to me, give me one more thing... a grateful heart!         

~George Herbert 

Update

Sorry about the smattering of posts lately...May has been the absolute busiest month of the year so far. In the last month or so we

1) painted our kitchen cabinets (I told you about that)

2) my oldest sister and her family came for a good, long visit 

3) we had the last AWANA night at our church for the year

4) we went camping with my whole family down near Savannah (that's      15 people in case you were wondering)

5) I took the SAT (finally)

6) we had three guests in the house (along with the 8 other people living in the house)

7) we packed my brother and SIL's container for their move to Africa, 

8) three of my friends graduated, 

9) one friend got married (Hurray!)

10) oh, and I had a birthday. :D 

(That's only the big stuff by the way!)

So, now maybe you understand why I haven't been around much lately! Life still is busy, (when is it not?), but it has slowed a bit, enough for us to catch our breath, take a small break and fold the laundry! (Just kidding.) Here are some picture-memories from this last month:

Feels like The Waltons!

My niece by the lake

Camping!

The salt marsh by our campground. The vastness of it awed me, especially when I remembered that God's love for me is even bigger!!

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.

 As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

 Just as a father has compassion on his children,

So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.

 For He Himself knows our frame;

He is mindful that we are but dust.

 As for man, his days are like grass;

As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.

When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,

And its place acknowledges it no longer.

But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,

And His righteousness to children’s children,

To those who keep His covenant

And remember His precepts to do them.

Psalm 103:11-18

A Walk in Town

Yesterday my family and I went on a spur-of-the-moment picnic! It was fun to get outside on such a beautiful day! Our little town is so beautiful this time of year!

If you look close you may be able to see the wisteria vine growing up this dogwood.

It's not called "The City of Homes" for nothing.

This house is so beautiful and stately. But it always cracks me up how imposing it is from the front when...

...it's really not that big!

The dogwoods are beautiful right now!

...but what I really want is a picture of a cherry tree!

The pink dogwoods are stunning. I love how it looks like the blossoms are almost floating in the air.

This little house is adorable!

A cherry tree at last!

So beautiful! If I were a tree I'd want to be a cherry tree. They look so joyful, as if they're simply bursting with praise to God.

God's creation is marvelous!