When I got on blogger this morning I wasn't planning to write a post. I got on, simply to catch up on the blogs I follow and log off. But after reading THIS post I knew I had to share it with you.
It spoke straight to my heart. Because, I am not ready. This year is bringing big changes (among them my 20th birthday!) and though I have finally learned not to cringe at change, I don't always welcome it with open arms either. Sometimes I just want to pause life so I can bustle around cleaning up the mess. And sometimes God graciously allows me that time to process change and take a deep breath before the next one comes. But then there are also times when they come down like ocean waves on me and I sputter and thrash, fighting every one.
God I'm not ready. Just wait please, let me get ready. But God doesn't need me to be ready in my own eyes. He knows best when I am ready and I am learning to trust His timing.
And so, today my heart is echoing what Katie said:
"This new season looms and I don't know what is next. But He doesn't need me to be ready for this season because He is ready. He just needs me to be clinging to His feet."
It's 2012!!! Isn't it funny how things feel different and yet still the same after New Year's Day?
Today someone asked me if I was excited about the new year. At first I didn't think I was, New Year's Eve is probably at the bottom of my list of holidays in order of preference. I cringe at the idea of changing something I am comfortable in, even if it is as simple as one number at the end of a date.
But now, as I reflect a little bit, I find that I am excited about 2012.
Even though it has already come, for the first few days of the new year I always feel like I'm standing in a blank space between the old year and the new one, sifting through memories like old photographs and forming ideas of what I should expect from the year ahead.
As I look back I see how wonderfully blessed I have been in everything, and I don't say that lightly. There has been pain this year: in a friend suddenly turning their back on me, in my brother moving to Madagascar, in a family I know and love falling apart, in a prolonged struggle with depression. But now I can see how God has carried me through every single one of these situations and I shake my head in awe.
How can I fear what lies ahead when Jesus has so faithfully and patiently showed me again and again:
"Jenna, I love you.
Jenna I will always take care of you
Jenna, I will never leave you.
Jenna, I delight in you.
Jenna, I grieve with you.
Jenna, I am changing you.
Jenna, I will come for you.
Jenna, I will never change.
Jenna, I can handle the world Myself!"
(Grin Yeah, sometimes I get overzealous and try to take over God's job, but He is really good about letting me know that He is capable and He is taking care of not only me, but the people I love as well!)
"But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.'"
If the LORD had not been my help,
My soul would soon have dwelt in the abode of silence. If I should say, “My foot has slipped,” Your lovingkindness, O LORD, will hold me up. When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul.
So, in view of all of that: Welcome 2012!!! I am excited to see what God will do in me this year! I am excited about the people I will meet, the things I will learn, how I will grow, the opportunities Jesus is preparing for me, even the things that will change!
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you [and me!] will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.